This Is How This Is Going To Go…

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You are going to hurt like hell

So one day you can fully embrace happiness.

You are going to lose it all – friends, love, material things, everything

So whats meant to be, has room to attach to a welcoming soul.

You are going to cry, cry like you have never cried before, so hard you can’t breathe

So when that smile comes, it lights up every room you walk in.

You are going to sit alone, in your emotions, in your mess for a very long time

So in time, you finally realize what self love is really all about.

You are going to be brought to your knees, then to rock bottom

So one day when you are at the top, you’ll extend grace to others.

You are going to make some terrible decisions, decisions that make you appear crazy to some

So one day you will never place yourself in situations where you feel out of control.

You are going to feel unloved, unwanted and unworthy

So one day you will stop freely handing out every ounce of your being to just anyone.

You are going to experience all of this to its fullest extent and you are going to want to give up

So that one day you will look back and see just how strong you truly are.

So this is how it’s going to go. Welcome it, feel it and then release it. It is all very heavy and no longer yours to carry. After all, your strongest people were once found face down on their bathroom floor in a puddle of tears gripping onto life by a thread. This is your time to fail and then rise again. Strength and success comes to those that choose to put in the work. Now go work your ass off, your best life awaits you…..

Single Handedly…Single

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Be yourself there is no one better

Today was my first Valentines day alone in about 20 years. I never really got into Valentines Day, my view was send me flowers any other day of the year when I know I have really crossed your mind. It’s a money making holiday and nothing more. It’s a time when social media is flooded with pictures of flowers, gifts and food. It’s pretty fake I must add.

Today I have noticed several post of couples acting like everything is together and posting their pretty flower pictures and their I love you’s. All falling into the trap of conforming to what society is herding you into. In the meantime, I have several I can point out who one or the other is being unfaithful, and yes I have facts to back that up, yet they made their post to seem like they just fell in love this morning. Makes me want to roll my eyes back in my head. Sorry, but I really want to call your ass out, but I won’t. You will self destruct before long. Just another realization of why you never believe or compare yourself to any other person on that screen your looking at.

This Valentines I chose to sit with myself. Sit with my emotions of missing a certain man. I chose to let the emotions come, feel them and then release them back. I chose today to love on and show kindness to anyone that crossed my path today. Why? because for a one reason. There has been a time I have been told I am no longer loved, no longer worthy, no longer wanted and I wanted to remind the ones that may be in that same position that now is the time to find self love and self care. Never to place your whole being into someone that doesn’t match your effort.

So today I sat in my mess of emotions. I welcomed them and I felt them. I passed the man I was missing on the road today. It got me….right in the gut. How coincidence was that? Haven’t spoken to him or seen him weeks and here we are on a country road passing each other. That was just divine intervention…..but not the intervention where he comes and chases down the girl and tells her he misses her so much. That never happens to me, I have always been the chaser. It was the type of intervention that reminded me that I am okay. That what I thought I couldn’t survive, I have survived and grown. Thankfully now, because I have learned how to be alone and sit and work through any emotions, I was able to come home excuse myself to feel that sadness, acknowledge it and then move on with my evening.

I’ll leave you with one piece of advice. Hold dearly onto your worth, your identity, your confidence. The second you place it in someone else’s hands because you’re trying so hard to show them how much you love and care for them is the second you just sold yourself to them. It’s the hardest thing to get back after heartbreak. Find yourself, love yourself, respect yourself. Sit with me lets talk…..